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Coming off a great day with my baby I am left very reflective and very hungry!! Thinking about last weekend as its pain is still very fresh in my head. We flew back to FMM for a celeb ration of life for Dad put on by the School board. I must be honest in saying I was less then thrilled about this ceremony but mom booked us tickets then told me so I couldnt really avoid it. The turn out was nice, people that I really didn't expect to see even showed up. Gil Espejo put together a great lil slide show of photos my family put together complete with music. Francois set up a web cam at Aarons hospital so he could watch via Skype and people could talk to him as well. The topper was the Lefevbre and Diakow families dressed up in the Bill Pringle tuxedo!! I got stressed about nothing as it was very nice lil ceremony. The next day we took dads ashes to the cemetery to place him in his final resting place. A perfect -28 for the day. A lil prayer and words and mom placed him in as I comforte

Sunday was the last Cross on the Rocks race at the brilliant venue of Shawnigan lake school. Mical and I awoke nice and early, had a big ass breaky , packed up Big Red and made our last race day trip up island. For those of you who have never seen Shawigan School it is one of those places that the Fortune 500 kids go to school at. The grounds are out of a fairy tale almost and the facility as a whole is immaculate! You walk into the rugby clubhouse where registration was and its all oversized leather sofas and chairs. I wanted to cancel our day and get a cigar and brandy and enjoy the room, but there is a race today so maybe another time! All set so we gear up for a couple warm up laps of the 3km course. Super soft "cow pasture" right off the horn. Twisty, off camber, slippery and throw in a mini whirly bird too........thats gonna be DEEP!! Next section spit you into a creek bed single track, rocky and how you say moist and fast? Leading up high speed to the run up of 1000

I am sitting here editing photos, having a beer and reflecting on this past week and all the emotion and energy surrounding it. It was truly one of the busier weeks in a long while. First there's racing Sunday, Mical and I driving home Monday, working all week and squeezing in a few pre work rides, organizing and unpacking and lotsa figuring out where stuff goes best....as well as 8 bikes!! Take that and couple it with my fathers passing my mind has had hardly a moment to rest. If Mical wasn't with me this would be soooo much harder then it al ready is! She truly is the light of my day! She arrived right into a double header weekend of racing on the rock! I couldn't get Saturday off so I sent her out solo in Big Redd to find the farm. From what I heard it was a total slop fest!! And after seeing some pics I know why! She had fun and her bike and kit, even after spraying it off was more then a lil funky!! hahah. Jamie and Susan threw a nice social later that eve and we got t

It has been a few days since dad has finally passed away and I honestly don't know what I am feeling. Such a mixture of emotions that I don't have the ability to truly deal with. I had spent 7 weeks with him and watched him deteriorate to the point that no human should reach and it tore my soul apart bit by bit. From the strongest man to the most frail frame imaginable. Nobody should have to go through what he did and conversely nobody that loves him should have to watch it. It is absolutely gut wrenching. If I had to do this solo I wouldn't make it. Being back here I find myself not really caring about anything other then Mical and us living our life. Not motivated to work hard at the shop even though I truly do enjoy work and all its foibles!! I just want to ride my bike, eat good food and have fun with my girlfriend. I don't think that's to much to ask is it? To bad about that money part!! Mical will just have to become a venture capitalist!!! ;) I am supposed t

Days are getting shorter. Rain is coming more frequently. Puddles forming as leaves fill them up. I love The Island's fall season. I have my cross bike all dialed in and was supposed to hit up some Wednesday night practice but was a solo shop day so no crossy for regy!! :( Its all good as i made my own cross ride home in the pouring rain! Up teh road into Cedar Hill Golf Course, down teh 18th fairway and zooming over some gravel and then chip trail. A short lil zip and then back on teh road, FOOEY! Some more at the gorge and even more down the tracks and up past the Pongo Hospital. Gettin muddy and soaked for the sake of getting muddy and soaked!! Makes me reminise about days when we were children and our mom would send us out the door saying something along the lines of " Now stay the hell outta the mud puddles!!" or " Try not to get too dirty." well, as anyone would know that is just a giant neon sign to a kid sayin "GET AS DIRTY AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN!!!&

I have finally evacuated Alberta for the sanctuary of VanIsle. 7 weeks in ole AB. was enough. I made teh decision a week prior and was feeling immense guilt up until I left as dad was deteriorating badly everyday. I had put life on hold long enough and there was nthing left for me to do there. I wanted to be there for mom but she stated that again theres nothiing I could do. Being in Fort Mac made me realize why I came to the island in the first place. Flying over the rockies and the ocean made some weight ease from my shoulders. I really do love it here and I am so lcuky to be able to call it my home. I didnt have but half a day to sort myself out before i had to get back to work. While at work I had a hard time focusing and figuring out what I should be doing. 7 weeks off will do that i guess! I finally found my groove by Thursday I think. Still a lil cloudy but I will get there. Watching my dad dying has made me realize that I shouldnt be afraid to do the things I ha ve alwasy want

On the eve of returning to the island i can't help but be riddled with guilt at my decision to leave before my father passes on. I have been here 6 weeks watching him deteriorate to a mere shell of the man i remember and am asking myself " How much longer can this old bugger hang on?" I have spoken with my mother about what I should do and she agrees that I should return and resume my life as there is absolutely nothing i can do. My outlook on life has been altered since my return to Alberta; partially form watching my father fade but mostly because I now have someone to share my passions with. Without Mical this time here woulda drove me insane!! She allowed me to enter her world, filling me with warmth and support. Understanding of what I am going through and being there for me as it happens. Escaping to Calgary and Edmonton a few times to be with her and her kool ass family was invaluable to my ability to cope. Being able to have Mary here was a must as well. Anyone

I am still in FMM and my life is still in hold. I refuse to get to far away as i know the moment i do my father will expire and I will be headed right back here to bury him ( cremate actually ). My Victoria life has been on hold for a solid month. My thoughts lead me to guilt for being here and screwing over the guys at work. But my guilt will be ten fold that if I leave and something happens here. If I am in Edmonton or Calgary its not a big deal, but if I make it back to the island its a lil longer to get back here. Am having a hard time finding purpose again. Am piddling around the house with odd jobs and editing countless number of photos as well. Spent some time in Calgary with Mical and her family and even followed to some races which was amazing. These are all very beautiful moments and no amount of thanks will show my apreciation. But at the end of the day I am still stuck waiting and wondering when my life will return to normal....or my idea of normal. My father is s o frail

I had the pleasure of entering my first cross race last weekend In Edmonton and I must say it was what I expected. Suffering, grinding, jumping running retardation!!! I loved it. Ive wanted to for some time and with Mical and I going for her races I brought my mtn bike just in case. Watching her Saturday race got me pretty inspired. She killed a solid 2nd place which I was so proud of. She said if I wanted to race then we would register that night and if not, no big deal! Well we got to the hotel that night and me and her father David went for a spin in the river valley to spank out the cobwebs left by a day of walking and shooting the course. Knee felt good, shoulder felt good and even the stitches felt pretty ok. Almost two hours zoomed by in the wind and impending darkness and I can say it was really kool to ride with Mical's father. He is super strong and uber mellow. And was keeping pace on his Xross bike....SWEET!! I think when he feels better he will torch me on a mtn bike.

My last day in FMM and feeling really good. Pretty productive morning so I treated myself to a ripper. about 300 tunes going in the phone now, legs great, shoulders great. Wanting to explore the old FMM single track. Up Thickwood past Ross Henenger Park, up the chip trail hammering hard. See the entrance to wolverine so I dive in and remeber how cool this trail is. Again, a short track but so fun. Ride front to back, dialing almost all of it, pushing hard gears today. I seem to be getting stronger, feel it anyway, so I end up cooking around Wolveline front to back, then back to front. Shoot out on the chip trail and hook up with more single track revealing some great views of the river valley and some dead burnt out trees. Blast back out to the path and still feeling great an hour in, so I decide to hit up Lil Fisheries and tell myself to go as hard as I can the whole loop. A quick shot from the bottle and a few slices of fruit and I am off, floored from stroke 1!! aggressive tunes hel

I wasn't going to ride at all today, give the knee and shoulder and day off. Decided I would be Lil Suzy Homemaker and take care of a bunch of stuff for the family. Well.....that only took like 3 hrs. And there is so much more time in the day. A lil chilly today so I geared up around 3 and headed out for just a slow and light spin. I don't know why I keep telling myself I can do slow and light, but I will keep trying!! Head down to waterways and cut off up the path as this is only going to be an hour spin...right? Chugging up the hill, knocking the crust off of my sleepy knees. Cresting the hill I decide to go the back way through some quad trails, cross the "bridge" and through rotary and back down to waterways...sounds easy right? Riiiiiiight!! These trails are so fun because they are sooo muddy. Slipping and drifting around like a 10 yr old who's mom said " Now have fun but stay outta the puddles!!" The mud is also what makes these trails difficult.

Through all that is happening right now with my family, with my life on hold in Vic, and with me, the one thing that remains is my love for riding my bike. I was super bummed this morning, didn't wanna get out of bed at all to face the day ahead. Thoughts of someone made me smile and i decided that I wouldn't be a slave to my emotions! Not today! Not ever again!! pulled my ass outta bed and went upstairs to make some koffi and breaky. A very nice stove top espresso pot was left in my lucky lil hands as well as a grinder that may or may not kill me...but thats another tale!! Had a few cups and some porridge and fruit and sat down to review some photos and write as it always clears my melon a lil bit. I am cheering up as I look past rolls of photos and put words to "paper". The whole house is quiet as mom and dad rest.....still. Cant remember them ever sleeping this much. Well maybe mom but never dad. I guess cancer kinda tuckers you out! I am feeling a lil better abou

2 weeks in FMM and not much has changed. Bill is still quite sick and tired. They have at least released him for good now as they have his pain management under control. This is good for dad so he can smoke in comfort instead of having to go downstairs to do so.......and dont get me started on the smoking!! He is getting lots of visitors which is nice, but you can see that it really tuckers him out, and he is too kind to ask people to leave, so he tuffs it out!! Aaron on the other hand is in long term care now...for longterm of course. Still depressed and not liking it but its the best for him and my family. Been up there as much as i can, when the family isnt up there. He has a nice room, almost everything he had at home so i think he will adjust in time. Dad's sisters have been here fro the first week and they are great. Cleaning up and organising and doing everything that needs to be done so mom can focuus on her two boys. They are a lil much to take, kinda like a tornadoe roll

I have been going through the garage and other spots in the house rooting though things that need to go, things that need to stay. This is a somber and sobering task! Who thought that it would be soooo tiring dealing with memories and issues buried! It was really nice to get over to The Rentons last night for Jode's Bday! Enjoyed a great dinner and a few drinks. Ive known these people since i was 4 so they are truly an extension of my family! ended up j ust being me and Lloyd at the end of the night, fire pit a blazing, cold bevvies in hand, solving the worlds problems at 2 in the am! Just reaffirmed, as another person in my life has showed me, that there is love out there and i am deserving of it! nothing can change the course of events leading me here, they are done and that's that! i am choosing happiness and learning to leave the past the past. " There Is No Hope In The Past." You are goddamn right!! looking forward for me i see so many things on the upside othe r

First full day in The Fort started ok. Spud ( Chad Houston ) is in town for work so thank god i Brought Mary with me. We went up, grabbed Kate and Ken and all the dogs and headed out for some old school hometown trails. We rode upper fisheries loop as the bottom is a mud hole! was a nice loop as good a loop as i remember it. was a lot better after i remembered how to ride that many roots!! dropped off the pooches and kept on going for some uber fast gravel path spin, was nice to burn up the legs and all i could think was this would be awesome on a cross bike!! Up through Birchwood and over to grab some coffee! Was a nice to spend time with people that i used to spend a lot of time with in my past, to turn off the brain and just enjoy the spin. a quick beer and chat and time to head back to the family. Dad is in pretty good spirits today but you can tell its almost "time". Very fidgety an anxious and trying to get everything settled and ready so mom doesn't have to much t

Sept 6/09 As I sit in the Calgary t int. airport I am troubled with thoughts of my upcoming few weeks. Going to see my father and brother in the H ha same time, filled with fear and anxiety. I have been in such great spirits lately, life moving forward in mostly a positive form, someone that I care for deeply, and whom I hope feels similar, riding tones and surrounding myself with people that are of the same attitude. Even work is good right now. So why……. With this latest development that brings me home it’s very hard to not start to take these things personally. I know that is a dumb statement and fairly immature, but just as things start to look up and start to become happy some unknown force just tries to thumb me down! Yes I am too sensitive and yes I am pretty hard on myself but yrs and yrs of it is starting to make me wonder. Even going as far to think I’m cursed because of an incident that happened Friday that actually I was not involved with or had any hand in

Well I am afraid to say its my bday today. 35 yrs young, no idea i would have made it this long, and virtually unscathed!! Marty party last night but wasn't too into it so i muddled around, socialized a lil and had some "performance Beer". Got up today and had a yummy breaky and coffee and slowly got ready for Mary to take me out for a ride. Shes been a lil owly lately so we need to have a good day and get past that! lol.....Christ its a bike im talking about...im falling off the deep end i think!! haah!! The whole ride was pretty good. 3.5 hrs on somee hidden trails of the backside of the dump which is now my second favorite trail up there. tight, technical, grunt worthy. really old school and fun, i think anyway!! washed out and slammed a rocky corner on my already uber-tender shoulder and let out a horrific series of "f-bombs"...sorry if anyone was in earshot....needed to be done. came out on the wrong spot of teh connector and asked a couple for direction