dad

It has been a few days since dad has finally passed away and I honestly don't know what I am feeling. Such a mixture of emotions that I don't have the ability to truly deal with. I had spent 7 weeks with him and watched him deteriorate to the point that no human should reach and it tore my soul apart bit by bit. From the strongest man to the most frail frame imaginable. Nobody should have to go through what he did and conversely nobody that loves him should have to watch it. It is absolutely gut wrenching. If I had to do this solo I wouldn't make it. Being back here I find myself not really caring about anything other then Mical and us living our life. Not motivated to work hard at the shop even though I truly do enjoy work and all its foibles!! I just want to ride my bike, eat good food and have fun with my girlfriend. I don't think that's to much to ask is it? To bad about that money part!! Mical will just have to become a venture capitalist!!! ;)

I am supposed to make one more excursion to the north to place my father in a memorial wall. My mother and I will have a lil moment between ourselves with dad and then we must try and start the healing. For me it is here with Mical starting our lives together. For mom it will be a smidge harder as she now deals with a home devoid of not only my father, but Aaron who will remain in long term care in the hospital. Letting go will be way harder for her to do there then I here. He will never be far from my thoughts and I will truly never forget him. He truly was a man among mice, kind to the core amidst all his gruff exterior. Those who knew him knew that he would always be there to help you, even just to do the work himself. He will be sorely missed by all who needed him. And all who loved him. And me. Goodbye Bill.

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