Sept. 6/09

Sept 6/09

As I sit in the Calgary t int. airport I am troubled with thoughts of my upcoming few weeks. Going to see my father and brother in the H ha same time, filled with fear and anxiety. I have been in such great spirits lately, life moving forward in mostly a positive form, someone that I care for deeply, and whom I hope feels similar, riding tones and surrounding myself with people that are of the same attitude. Even work is good right now. So why…….

With this latest development that brings me home it’s very hard to not start to take these things personally. I know that is a dumb statement and fairly immature, but just as things start to look up and start to become happy some unknown force just tries to thumb me down! Yes I am too sensitive and yes I am pretty hard on myself but yrs and yrs of it is starting to make me wonder. Even going as far to think I’m cursed because of an incident that happened Friday that actually I was not involved with or had any hand in creating. Was just an overwhelming pool of emotion and my brain actually felt like it was melting outta my ear!!

Am trying these days to realize this is the only life I get and I want to be happy for the rest of it. Making inroads to finding and creating that happiness is actually a lot of work, but I have the Wilfred Oliver Pringle work ethic so there is no worries there. Jeff told me “nothing ventured, nothing gained” and I am going after what I want in life right now and shedding the emotional boat anchors that are holding me down. These processes, however difficult, need to be addressed and I am taking them on head first! I am really taking joy in small things right now. Good ride, good music, great bbq ( with company is preferred ) taking photos, and actually printing them. Back on track to simplifying my life again, to get me back to where I need to be!

The task at hand in the fort is daunting and terrifying but it is necessary for the health of my mildly fractured family and also for the health of my mildly fractured sanity. ( not to worry because I know a gal that can sew that fracture right up…HAHAH) these very difficult next days will test my metal and probably shape who I am to become over the next however many yrs. I am just hoping I can pull through on the other side and come out ok……because I am not sure there is an alternative!

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