Sept 6/09 As I sit in the Calgary t int. airport I am troubled with thoughts of my upcoming few weeks. Going to see my father and brother in the H ha same time, filled with fear and anxiety. I have been in such great spirits lately, life moving forward in mostly a positive form, someone that I care for deeply, and whom I hope feels similar, riding tones and surrounding myself with people that are of the same attitude. Even work is good right now. So why……. With this latest development that brings me home it’s very hard to not start to take these things personally. I know that is a dumb statement and fairly immature, but just as things start to look up and start to become happy some unknown force just tries to thumb me down! Yes I am too sensitive and yes I am pretty hard on myself but yrs and yrs of it is starting to make me wonder. Even going as far to think I’m cursed because of an incident that happened Friday that actually I was not involved with or had any hand in ...
It is now January 2010 and the grey skies seem to be getting to me a lil bit! Mical and I had an awesome Xmas and New Year. The first of many to come just like that I hope! Lotsa riding, lotsa food and a few to many treats!! Hung out in Seattle for a day which was so nice, till my camera decided to have a shit....so we bought a new one! LOL! Lot of really neat spots there and I can't wait to go back when we can spend a lil more time together and the new camera will be joining us too!! Its now the 5th and she has gone to FMM to work to pay for the summer ahead. I think its a great opportunity for experience and she only has to work till the thaw, few months. And its a plus that she can go xc skiing there on time off. I miss her a ton and having an empty house again has made my mind become a lil more active and my body not! Thinking about dad, worrying about mom and Aaron as well as career confusion. No inspiration to ride or shoot. A skunky lil funk that will not last long, or I ...
It has been a few days since dad has finally passed away and I honestly don't know what I am feeling. Such a mixture of emotions that I don't have the ability to truly deal with. I had spent 7 weeks with him and watched him deteriorate to the point that no human should reach and it tore my soul apart bit by bit. From the strongest man to the most frail frame imaginable. Nobody should have to go through what he did and conversely nobody that loves him should have to watch it. It is absolutely gut wrenching. If I had to do this solo I wouldn't make it. Being back here I find myself not really caring about anything other then Mical and us living our life. Not motivated to work hard at the shop even though I truly do enjoy work and all its foibles!! I just want to ride my bike, eat good food and have fun with my girlfriend. I don't think that's to much to ask is it? To bad about that money part!! Mical will just have to become a venture capitalist!!! ;) I am supposed t...
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